I promised myself I wouldn’t get carried away. That should’ve been easy, what with having a scanty budget and all. Still, there’s this urge to fulfill a fairytale something or other, which involves at least modicum of planning. But where to begin when my sister’s MIA in the state of VA, and my mother oscillates between wanting to help me with everything to not liking any of my tentative plans?
Tentative — the uncertainty of it all is so aggravating. We’ve been trying to peg down a date/time/place that’s agreeable to everyone in our respective family circles, but that’s a hard feat when some of our peeps show not a speck of interest in our impending nuptials. Elopement is looking better and better as we approach our still unscheduled date of matrimony.
Most of my family gets as jazzed about weddings as is humanly possible. I could call any of my cousins right now and ask to get hitched in their backyard and they would likely shout “YES” and ask what lengths they could go to to make the day truly spectacular. Not so much my fiancé’s family. They avoid the subject altogether, and (if one of us ever brings it up) they tend to not let the topic run its course. No, they drop it like a hot potato, induce awkward silences and then change the subject on a lark — as if childishness is warranted when we’re asking for genuine consideration. That sort of feigned aloofness is enough to make me want to unleash the bridezilla…
Just what exactly is the problem, you ask? Nobody will tell me.
I think that some people have this notion that you can’t be ready for marriage until your courtship has lasted a certain predetermined length of time. Who thinks we all experience time at the same static rate anyway?
Shall we think of time as a span of measurable minutes, hours, days, months and years? Or do we take into consideration how our perception changes depending on the situation? Sacred meditative time is not the same as time spent waiting in line at the ATM. We perceive these passages of time quite differently. So when I listen to anyone say to me that we need to slow down, think about what we’re getting ourselves into, that we’re moving too fast, I want to say that maybe we’re just not on the same wavelength. Some people may think we’re “rushing ourselves” into something we’re not ready for, but we still feel that we’ve meditated well on the sacred journey of our lives together.
What I want for our wedding day is not whispered snickers over how long people think we’ll last, or for the people we care about most to think that we’re making a huge mistake by not following the lengthy path of an extended courtship.
What I want is to bring our two families together to celebrate our love for one another and pray for our success in marriage.
I’d also love it if my sister and her family could somehow afford the trip out to California to be with us as well. I don’t know if this is actually possible. I may have to settle for the fact that flights are ridiculously expensive and my sister can only be there in spirit (and possibly be a witness via skype).
I do not want to feel bridezilla welling from my core, ready to pounce on anyone who would rather change the subject than show any bit of enthusiasm for our wedding plans.
As much as I may want the people that we both care about to understand us — and to believe our choice to marry is a ritual worthy of joyous celebration — I need to focus more on being joyful with myself and my love than on trying to have our lives make sense to anyone else.
We love each other. We want to forge our lives together. It may take a little getting used to for some, but we’re not going to wait around for anyone to acclimate. We’re planning a wedding. We’re setting a date that may conflict with a more traditional notion of courtship propriety.
It’s okay to be squeamish, but not to tune us out. We need love, acceptance, even a little guidance as we plan for our wedding day and our marriage.
I implore the squeamish: Come, let’s plan this ritual together as one big happy family — lest you want a wrathful bridezilla to rear her scorned head, whisk the groom off for an impromptu elopement, and leave you out of all the fun.