ineffable cacophony

When it hits
you

such a falling
all at once
your heart tethered down
immeasurable weight of loss

(that’s how it was when Ashley died).

I could see her so clearly
conjure her from memory
a face
a voice
calling my name
laughing carefree.

There was no autozoom for us.
I couldn’t recall all the details
the little conversations
from everyday life
that made this hermit love
such a butterfly.

Those moments would come to me in bursts
when I least expected it
And I would have a good cry
a hearty laugh
& be so grateful to remember.

So when my grandmother
Lillian
passed away last month
it started out the same.

A face
a voice
such laughter
enraptured me.

Only then I could see
everyone I had met
over the years
who taught me something
about myself
the world
writing
love.

Your first kiss in youthful abandon
The way it feels to play Beethoven’s 5th with the junior high band
Trekking into unknown territory with people you love
Shaky hands poetry reading reaching someone somewhere in the audience
The first time someone called you a writer and meant it–

All the faces and voices reach me
an ineffable cacophony
calling for more life
more learning about myself
the world
writing
love.

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2 comments on “ineffable cacophony

  1. Poignantly written and such powerful imagery. Well done!

  2. Shari Shires says:

    Awesome, Amber Dawn. Love you!

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