Day 3 on the master cleanse diet. A little lemon juice, a little B grade maple and a pinch of cayenne in water. That’s been my sustenance for days. That and my choice laxative, a Traditional Medicinal’s Tea. Having felt off-kilter for some time now (both physically and spiritually), I figured why not take the ascetic route for a spell.
I don’t know what this cleanse has been like for anyone else, but I feel like I just gave myself the flu. I’m burning up. I get the chills. I feel like I just ran a mile and I need to sit down. And now, thanks to my lax tea, the putrified sludge that’s been lining my intestines for years explodes out of me with volatile and exhaustive force. So my dad was absolutely right; I’m full of crap. (According to the diet, it will take 10 days to purge it all from my system!)
I keep having wildly profound epiphanies, but these are sandwiched in between bursts of extremely unpleasant moodiness, so no one in my family thinks this diet is doing me any good so far.
I’ve chosen to couple this foray into self-purgation with reading the work of a Russian genius. It’s been nice having a protagonist to empathize with. Everyone thinks he’s an idiot, too.